Birth Control

I have discovered the best method of birth control: It arrived at my home yesterday under the pretense of Eowyn’s inaugural Valentine’s soiree. Fortunately, the corralling of 13+ preschoolers for a play-date laced with saccharine delights is hardly cost prohibitive- unless-of course- your Lenox lamp, china closest or auditory nerves become unwitting causalities of Hide and Seek. Otherwise, such an occasion should be marketed to public school Health teachers as the archetypal abstinence education initiative. Undoubtedly, the seemingly benign exchange of valentines between toddlers in a four-walled edifice possesses the power to compel pop-culture Princesses and pubescent punks to “wait”…at least until the deafening memories abate.

Now, lest you mistake my satirical advisement as symptomatic of a bitter SAM (Stay At- home Mom), rest assured that Monday’s festivities were truly delightful. Eowyn was gleefully exultant at such social revelry, immediately inquiring post-party, “Mama, we do that again sumptime!” My indulgence of such a request lies in the veritable reality that I am –in fact- a SAM. This is my gig. This is my graduate education loans at work. Such mania, while generally relegated to fewer tiny insurgents, does not leave me gasping for fresh-non soiled diaper air, my fingers cramped for lack of texting and my Juicy Couture skinny jeans stained by jellied fingers.

So, here’s the Hallmark moment: As I watched the drama unfold –surprisingly not (too) horrified- I felt gratified by the friendships represented amid the chaos… for the other women whose resumes can boast of the little lives they are shaping, while the valentines- together- they were creating- These maternal architects vested in the building up of beautiful little cathedrals, whose artistry and magnificence someday, others will praise. So, yes, while I would generously lend my diminutive darlings to the “Keep the Jersey-Shore junkies abstinent” cause- the Valentine’s mayhem did not result in using our cradle for kindling. Instead, we thank Mr. Gore for his Inconvenient Truth contribution to our furnace this year :)