As much as the admission pains me, Jason was right: Escorting two minors incapable of wiping their own bottoms to the beach is an undertaking fit for a superhuman saint. This, I am not. These are the circumstances that contributed to that humbling conclusion.
1. To begin: The happy coincidence of stimulus-funded civic works projects on every road we traveled.
2. The successive application of sunscreen on children who squirm like greased pigs, while the sub-zero aerosol SPF sprays elicit swine-like screams.
3. The general aversion Caid has to sand, sun and sleeping on the beach.
4. The race to peel a soaking swim suit down over a sweaty toddler in the putrid public “potty” so they can quickly pee in the designated spot… even though you know every other child is just “using” the ocean.
5. The unveiling of the early summer SAM’s tan-line: Play-date power walks in modest mom shorts leave the upper thigh region (aka “Cellulite Zone”) glaringly and unmercifully white.
6. The deliberate construction and destruction of sandcastles on top of the beach blankets.
7. The profane prepubescent partiers parked right next to my impressionable princess who repeats everything with parrot-like precision.
8. The inevitable melt down when heat exhaustion and stolen naptime implode in toddler hysteria.
9. The pack mule exodus from the sandy shores to your oven baked car: A weary mom laden with beach toys, portable potties, cumbersome coolers, blankets and books, useless umbrellas and magazine mocking the youth you left behind.
10. . . . The sound of your sweet child complaining of the solitary, single pound item they have been instructed to carry.
With the absence of an au pair -which appears to be a permanent condition- I may instead have to fabricate a beach in our expansive back yard. . . and by expansive, I mean we may have to move a shrub to accommodate an inflatable pool. Beach excursions are now bittersweet. I love the beach, but I think I love my sanity even more.
**SAM-Stay At-Home Mom
4 comments:
Love it...been there...helps when u have ones old enough to actually carry more than their sunglasses! Memories nonetheless!
Ha! Well, the trip wasn't a total loss...it made for a humorous blog post!! ;)
I have a solution. Come over here and we'll set up a pool/sprinkler while we sip on some beverages. It will be much more relaxing. And now that things are settling down a bit more maybe JT and I can join you for an extra set of hands.
I am impressed you even attempted it!! I also am jealous that you were at the beach...one of the things I miss living in Indiana.
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