The Truth about My Bat Mitzvah was the title of the thrilling expose I was holding while at the local synagogue rummage sale when an elderly yenta-type lobbied to purchase Caid from me for a trifling $3.00 dollars. Graciously, I declined the offer. Feeling this somehow revealed my curmudgeonly Gentile-ness, I felt compelled to proclaim my love for Israel, Fiddler on the Roof and Levi- the dashing dancer from Jews for Jesus. Who better to enjoy the hilarity of this failed transaction (didn’t buy the book or sell the kid) but my esteemed cousin and (second) favorite veteran, Jacob, whom I called post-haste. Naturally, Jake was en route to his next film-worthy adventure. While I am folding laundry in suburbia and carrying clipped coupons, Jake is white-water rafting in the Alaskan frontier and toting bear mace. He is kind of a celebrity, which is why my children adore him (and they don’t even know about the bear mace).
Giving life and breath to the legend, Jake deigned to forsake his rugged life of adventure for a 10-day dalliance in civilization, ya’ know, sign some t-shirts for his fans. His respite in the "Mennonite mafia" land of Souderton, PA proffered such diversions as Oreck vacuum maintenance excursions, dining out with children expeditions and Gestapo-style (Kulp) family interrogations. Singing “Happy Birthday” at each candle-lighting chorus and rooting faithfully for our beloved Phils, Jake’s suburban adventure perhaps rivaled his outback one. At least Eowyn believes it has, as he is her current reigning American idol.
2 comments:
It was so great seeing Jacob. Lissie, you helped make his stay a special one as always. Your gift of hospitality is a blessing to many, including moi .... the closet liberal who is now out in the open:)
WHAT??!! Your own mother is a liberal????
Why I do declare...
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