Caucasian Invasion

Michelle Duggar must possess magical powers in her bangs since the arrival of our (mere) seven houseguests has reduced the tropical serenity of our home to a hot, sticky, cock-roach siting, toddler screaming mess. Nineteen kids would not just deflate my bangs but cause my hair to entirely fall out.  And yet, we've never enjoyed this island more since the three week Caucasian invasion of my family-which almost launched us from our minority status. Almost.

Bloody gums, sweaty brows and flowing tears have colored the fabric of this Hawaiian holiday, but not without merit and much laughter.  Here's the bucket list entitled:

Hawaiian Vacation on the Cheap with Diapered Tots, their Tired Parents and a Couple of Geriatrics:
 

1) We've hiked Makapu'u Trail during which my mom fell once on her way down, distracted during her Ansel Adams photo shoot. Then, she fell a second time, on her way up hill, requiring reconstructive facial repair at a local Urgent Care and a week resembling a battered housewife.

2) We've beached at Lanikai-the iconic "swimsuit modeling shoot" beach and a favorite of our (least favorite) president, Obama.  During our afternoon on these serene, private sands, my mom expertly interviewed a local fisherman, inquiring intently, "So, are the fish aggressive here?"  To which, he responded with a bewildered stare.  Aggressive fish? What?

3) We've visited Pearl Harbor and been sobered and humbled by the valiant bravery and unswerving patriotism of those in our armed forces, a compelling reminder of the incomparable greatness of our country.  (Yeah, I said it- We're the best)

4) We've hiked Koko Head Trail- a treacherous, vertical hike up railroad ties during which you hope you're life insurance policy is paid up.

5) We've watched the sunset, while sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas at the Hale Koa's Barefoot Bar while listening to the crooning of "The Art of Whimsy" and the whining of my tired daughter (who could've benefitted from a few Mai Tais.)

 
6) We've "aqua-cycled" along the waters of Waikiki beach, espying cresting sea turtles and thong-bikini clad tourists. Both novelties. Both brave creatures.

 

7)We've watched my mother consume more Ahi Tuna than thought feasible. It's only a matter of time before she goes after those "aggressive fish" with her own bait and tackle. 

8) We've beached at Bellows Beach/Sherwood Forest Beach- whereupon Eowyn was stung not once, but twice by a Portuguese Man of War.  Round One: Treat with vinegar and hot water. Round Two: Treat with Nestle's Ice Cream Bar.  You can imagine which proved more curative. 

9) We beached at Sandy Beach whose redundantly named shores should be more aptly christened "These Waves Can Kill You" Beach since even the lifeguards utilize their megaphones to both heckle and caution oceanic amateurs.

10) After hiking through the breath-taking Waimea Botanical Gardensa amid promenading peacocks and pungent hibiscus, we swam in the alluring Waimea Falls and realized we could now die without regrets.

~Gratefully exhausted by this Caucasian Invasion~