One Trick Ponies

Russia and Kincaid. 

Not much in common at first glance- until you sip a little vodka and reflect upon their singular talents.  Now, presuming you-the reader- lack both contemplative time and a bottle of Absolut, I will save you the guess work: Both the former USSR and my first born boy are both one trick ponies.

While Russia invades fledgling, fringe countries with continued success, Kincaid scores soccer goals with surprising skill. And that is it.

Much like the Kvass motherland, Kincaid's season featured zero passing, little defense, and absolutely no teamwork: All Kincaid could do is dribble and score. In fairness, this is a rather integral skill - albeit, an isolated one for my son.

Russia can relate. Their economy is deplorable. Their weather is abysmal. Sochi was a embarrassment. I could go on and will.  "Siberia" - their cold Hell is a testament to their failure at democracy. Their "terrorists" actually elicit international sympathy.  And -"Let's try that new little Russian bistro- Their cabbage bisque is supposedly divine." said no one ever.  No one. Ever.

However, they do invade small nations with imperious aplomb. The import of this should not be understated.

I could enumerate more plausible parallels between the Soviets and my son- but I will spare you my political rantings and him- the association with the KGB crew. ....Okay, one more thing- Let's be honest- my greatest disappointment is not so much with Putin- since I think we can all agree that his unsmiling face was made for mocking the sovereignty of vulnerable states.  Yet, there was a sweeter, more obdurate era when such tyranny was not tolerated. Reagan, my dear readers, would never abide such aggressive acts of war. Never. Granted, Sochi was embarrassing for Russia. But Oval Office passivity is a far greater embarrassment for us.  I digress.

Back to Kincaid. Three seasons of soccer later, after three intimidating teams, ("Spinner Dolphins," "Mighty Monkeys" and "Pink and Blue Tigers") Kincaid is retiring his three silver and black jerseys and one pair of Lightning McQueen cleats. Not forever- but for now. Hawaii soccer has revealed a singular impressive skill that we hope will develop into more  "no 'I' in team" like abilities.

 Until then, we bid a bittersweet farewell to the scoreless games and participation medals, under bright blue skies on sultry December Saturdays-where Cliff bars and organic drinks sustain loping four year-olds who pose for overpriced team pictures where Caid is the minority and is also picking his nose.

Likewise, I would strongly encourage Mother Russia to retire their "Invaders" babushka and find a new trick.

 #Cruz-Rubio2014 #SavetheUkraine #Gipperforever #Canyouhashtagablog?