This week, while Edwards' was being awarded the "Sleaziest Trial Lawyer Ever" title, my family and I embarked on our annual 12-hour journey to the bulwark of Confederate vacations, Hilton Head, SC. Most auspiciously, Eowyn's volatile temperament was much improved from last year's vehicular mania in which her piercing cries lasted four torturous hours and resulted in projectile vomit from her little nose. Lovely. However, we did arrive safely- sans vomit and commenced our seaside holiday with the assurance that some states still love the Union and our soldiers and God (I-95 proffers surprisingly heartening billboards). The weather was nearly perfection, save for two days of tornado threats and flash floods; otherwise, the singular victim of malevolent mother nature was my poor sister, Erika, who found her thigh embraced by a sea nettle (read: nasty jelly fish). There were several gracious offers by the men to urinate on her leg, as this gesture supposedly neutralizes the sting. Fortunately for everyone else on the beach, all such offers were declined in favor of vinegar. Additionally, since Eowyn has learned to walk, just a mere 2 weeks ago, she relished the opportunity to totter around on the sand, charming ...well... everyone with a soul (and a ball- her new obsession). While at the pool, we vainly experimented with various flotation implements, much to Eowyn's obvious chagrin, who prefers exhibitionism on most every occasion (see picture). During the interim periods between beach and pool, we sojourned to Beaufort, S.C to determine whether it was-unequivocally-the "Most Charming Small Town in the South". And, it was. The Revolutionary War homes and grave sites, coupled with the quaint antique shops and Southern trattorias, made me fleetingly feel like Scarlett O'. Further convincing me of deserved Southern ancestry was our Savannah excursion (more details to follow); after that trip, I think my faux accent is almost authentic! In close, our trip was providentially fabulous- the sweet tea, pulled Pork BBQ and antebellum antiquity- as they say- did make me "wanna slap my mamma." I am driving home now with renewed Conservative-style HOPE for our country- God Bless America- McCain-Romney 08'!
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Well, darlin' I am so glad y'all enjoyed your stay in the South. I do hope you were greeted with the proper southern hospitality that we have become accustomed to down yonder. We just returned from our trip up north and had ourselves plenty of cheesesteaks, pizza and the likes therein. Unfortunately, you just can't get good eats like that down here. But I must say I've grown quite accustomed to sweet tea and Shawn will do just about anything to get us invited to a pig pickin. ;)
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