"Trickle Down" Truth

Ready to debut my puffy-paint couture at VBS

Chelten Baptist’s Vacation Bible School and Reagan’s presidency rocked the 1980s. While I was sporting puffy-painted sweatshirts and a poodle-perm, my favorite Californian was freeing Tehran’s hostages and becoming a conservative icon. Seemingly incongruous, both Chelten and the Gipper wielded their capitalist magic to my ultimate spiritual and ideological advantage:

As Reagan made both Soviet socialists and vodkaholic-Democrats tremble and Hollywood ashamed for ceding him a star, Chelten plied children with Asher's chocolates and Toys R Us treasures to recite lengthy passages of scripture by memory. In fact, Psalm 100 earned me the plush tiger that presently resides in a box of (lovingly storaged) memorabilia. While an anthology of Reagan reading graces our library, scripture memorization is equally eminent in our home-where chocolate and the first chapter of John enjoy a love affair.

Each morning, Eowyn enjoys a tutorial abjectly unpopular with union-teachers and angry atheists everywhere. After a cursory review of the morning’s headline courtesy of my “fair and balanced” friends, we have devotions which include a recitation of Bible passages. Perhaps you find this banal, rote, intolerant, or provincial (and that vouchers are evil and that all cars should be electric). Not so! Eowyn loves it and –imagine this- is gratified by her memorization benchmarks and the pursuant profit incentives. So, thank you Chelten for making Bible sword drills exhilarating and competitive and thank you Reagan for defending free-market competition and the democracies that embrace it. Hopefully, Barack will skip a round of golf and peruse your biography before Soviet nuclear technology trickles-down to Iran.
Do Not Try risky table-top performance at home