Hawaii Four-O

Here we are in paradise where lizards rule the land with a webbed fist and the fictional-looking vistas must cure even the most resolute atheist. And though it has only been ten days in the paradoxical island, my mom fears the aloha spirit may never assuage my Northeastern “efficient” driving. Admittedly, as our sagacious Hawaiian-born friend Mark Green predicted, this has been a cross-cultural encounter of the most remarkable kind. 

The evening of our arrival, after disembarking from a 15 hour journey west, we retired to our barrack-inspired accommodations (not quite like the postcards), whereupon Eowyn discovered our first lounging lizard. Screams signaled “Lizzie’s” arrival; to which Jason gallantly and summarily executed him (read: squished to smithereens) Gross. 

While the initial amphibious cameo coupled with the absence of a single Dunkin Donuts on the isle might have threatened to dampen our spirits, our inaugural church attendance did not. First Presbyterian of Ko’Olau, which even eluded pronunciation by the omniscient GPS, was magnificent. Apparently, the congregation purchased a country club to serve as their worship center. Glamorous gospel. Cascading waterfalls dominate the entry way, the sanctuary features gilded chandeliers, the view from the swanky fellowship hall is celestial, and visitors receive a free espresso from the sanctified barista.  We suffered through.

 At present, we’re residing at the Marine Corps Base in Kaneohe on the Windward side of the island in a charming villa that also boasts of plucky lizards. Recently, my mom discovered one doing laps in her shower. Another scream. Much to even my own amazement, I rescued “Lizzie” in tribute to Steve Irwin and freed her to find a more amenable bathing situation. It was my most ecologically-friendly moment. . .  ever, though I think we both would have preferred a strapping young marine to save the day.